The Boss'

There is a strange question of etiquette that has been plaguing me. I’m not sure there’s an answer, but it’s something I deal with on a daily basis. Here’s the problem. I work in a very cool building. Said building is designed to look like a collection of agrarian structures in a rural setting. It features a series of long hallways that connect the various buildings. Offices are on the interior of the buildings with the hallways running along the exterior, primarily along the south side, allowing tons of light into the hallway and offices beyond.

For me to walk from my office to the main entrance of the building takes a good 3-5 minutes. Now, imagine me leaving my office, and shortly after leaving coming up behind someone making the same trip. What is the proper protocol for “passing” this individual? It may just be me, but I find myself totally stressed out trying to figure out what to do in this situation. To pass someone walking in the same direction takes a long time. I’d kind of have to pull out next to them, and be right next to them for a second or two…awkward…and then pull back in front of them once I’ve put sufficient distance between them and myself. And what constitutes  “sufficient distance”? 10 feet? 20 feet? Who knows these things? If I know the person, I feel obligated to say “hi” to them, or something friendly as I pass, but then I question whether or not my knowing them obligates me to make the rest of the trip “with” them. Once “hi” is spoken, are we then traveling together until one or the other of us reaches our destination? Are we travelling buddies henceforth and forever more? On occasion, I’ve come up behind someone and have purposely altered my gate so that I don’t catch up to them before the journeys end. But this too, can be problematic. I’m 6’-4”, so trying to match the speed of a short woman can leave me looking like I’m just lopping along, with no particular place to go. That’s not acceptable either. If I walk quickly past them, trying to avoid the obligatory “hello” and subsequent traveling companion confusion, then I just look rude or like a speed walking nut. When I do pass someone, I feel self conscious, and worry about getting my feet tangled up and falling flat on my face in front of someone. “Are they staring at my butt?” “Does my butt look weird?”, I ask myself. Worse, if I don’t pass them, and I just walk behind them for several minutes, I quickly enter stalker territory. I don’t think I look particularly scary, but I get this weird vibe that I’m freaking them out.

Often times if I see one of the above scenarios unfolding, I’ll look for some way to break stride to avoid the awkwardness. One that works well is a fake cell phone call that requires great concentration. I’ll stop and gaze out one of the many windows with my free hand on my hip, giving the fake caller on the other end my full attention. When sufficient time has passed, meaning that the person ahead of me is “uncatchable”, then I’ll hang up and continue on my way. If I’m on my way out of the building in the evening and see that I’m going to be “matched up” with someone on my way out, I’ll do a fake, “shoot, I forgot something”, routine, checking my pockets for nothing in particular, and head back toward my desk for a second, thereby giving the other party sufficient time to exit without me right on their heels.

I know it’s hard to believe, but yesterday I had something even weirder happen to me. I was pacing some guy about 30 feet ahead of me…not wanting to walk so slowly that I looked funny, but at the same time not wanting to get so close that I gave him the creeps. Well, it all went south when a colleague of his passed us in the opposite direction, and he stopped and turned around briefly to say “hi, how’s it going?”. His colleague, evidently in a rush, did not break stride as he passed and just hollered “hey, good, yeah everything’s good”, over his shoulder. By the time this short exchange was over, I was exactly next to the guy who I had been following, and he was left with the awkward choice of:

1. Ignoring me and falling in eerily close behind me.
2. Saying hi and walking with me. (not an option)
3. Pausing awkwardly, letting me pass, and then falling in line behind me.

He chose option 3…he stood there for a second stupidly, without a purpose in the world, talking to nobody, looking vacantly past me at nothing in particular, let me pass, and then fell in line behind me.

Am I thinking about this too much? Is there another person in the world whose brain works like this? I guess I know the answer to that. This is my curse. This is the stuff that I worry about. In addition to all of the real reasons to worry, I have to invent things to drive myself nuts.

We just got word from the top that my employer, Herman Miller, will be closing the building in which I work. The MarketPlace, as it is known, has been a really cool building to work in. I’ve enjoyed the modern architectural style of the building, as well as the proximity to my home. Currently my commute to work is only about 15 minutes. There are three other facilities that are potential relocation sites. All Herman Miller sites have significant vacancy at this time because of the weakening economy, and the closure of the MarketPlace just makes sense. Even though we’re stuck with the lease til 2010, the savings in incremental and energy costs can still be significant. I came to the MarketPlace, from another cool facility, called the GreenHouse, so I’d be happy to go back there if it comes to that. Another possible  relocation location is the Design Yard. That’s another very cool property, designed and laid out like a farm. The conference rooms that anchor the corners of the buildings look like grain bins. The final option for our relocation is known as Main Site which, as its name implies, is Herman Millers main location here in town. Both office and manufacturing space exist at Main Site. It is truly huge…like a small town. It even has it’s own energy center where waste products are burned to generate electricity. Overall, while it’s always a pain to have to move ones workplace, it beats having no job at all. In this economy, everyone is just happy to have a job to drive to, no matter how inconvenient that drive may be. R.I.P MarketPlace.

There are times when even a good idea goes bad. Such is the case with the "Relaxation Room" in my office building. The RR is a perk that was introduced at all Herman Miller locations over the last year or so. These rooms were originally small offices or conference rooms, but they’ve been made over into a relaxation room. What is a RR? Glad you asked. The RR in my building consists of a Eames Lounge chair, a small table with a CD player, and a locking door. The locking door is a big deal because every other conference room or community space in the building does not have a lockable door. A lockable door apparently represents a threat to the establishment and is to be avoided in modern office building design. Anyway, the one item conspicuously absent in the RR is a light switch. Yep. No light switch. I find it sad that my employer feels that we, the employees, can’t be trusted with a stinking light switch. We can be trusted with huge budgets and expense accounts up the ying yang, but not the ability to control our own lighting. (Don’t get me started on the time they took away the cans of bathroom disinfectant) Anyway, today I was feeling especially tired after fighting a cold for many days, and I dropped into the RR to grab a few winks. The lack of any lighting control, however, leaves one reclining in a fabulous Eames Lounge chair, under harsh fluorescent lights. I felt like I was trying to take a nap in a tanning bed, but without the cool goggle thingys. Of course, since a light switch is out of the question and would lead to company wide chaos, the room is equipped with a motion sensor to turn the lights on and off automatically. I was startled when, after lying there for about 20 minutes, the lights suddenly snapped off and the room went dark. Ah ha! I thought I had this thing all figured out…I just had to put up with bright lights initially, but now I can doze in peace in an appropriately dim room.

Then I had to scratch my nose.

This presented me with a choice…scratch my nose and and be forced to put up with the bright lights for another 20 motionless minutes, or lay there in agony trying to forget my itchy nose…in which case, I wouldn’t be able to nap anyway.

I decided that I had to itch my nose, or I’d be miserable regardless, so I very slowly moved my hand to my face and took care of the itch. Since the lights didn’t go on, I decided to push my luck and seek a slightly more comfortable position. Still no lights. Curiosity got the best of me and I started moving about in a "Mr. Roboto" fashion to determine just how far I could push the motion sensing envelope. I was astounded at how far I could move without the motion sensor shining a light on my activities. It got to the point that I was flapping my arms and legs about as if I were doing a Tae-Bo routine.

I surely wasn’t going to be able to sleep now! My nap time effectively ruined, I got up and walked out of the room, the light finally coming when I reached the doorway.

I hope that our Relaxation Rooms are not equipped with close circuit cameras. If so, look for me doing the robot on YouTube someday soon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that I work for  a company that is looking for ways to take care of their people. Believe me, I know how lucky I am to be able to grab a nap at work. Lots of people can’t even imagine that sort of flexibility. I just think it would be nice to have a teeny bit of control over my environment every now and then.

I’m happy to announce that I have survived yet another round of layoffs here at HMI. It’s “back to work” for the rest of us. A lot of really good people were shown the door yesterday. This is the third or fourth round of layoffs that I’ve lived through, and this has hit closest to home for me. The team I work on has been spared, but I knew many of the people who were let go. We had a 2 hour meeting this morning were the executive team explained what happened, and what they expect to happen going forward. I have to say, the strategy going forward seems to be very sound. A lot of thought obviously went into all of the steps that are being taken, and hopefully they will move the company in a positive direction.

My thoughts are with those affected by the announcements yesterday.